Polished silver. Betrayal. Dysphoria.
I usually do. We smile when we see each other, faces softly illuminated by sodium vapor, and her company makes my nights less lonely. It's only a few minutes and we rarely talk, but I always look forward to seeing her.
I've been seeing her a lot lately. Seeing her in passing was a rare occurrence before we started hanging out a little over a year ago, but it's more frequent now. In fact, we've seen each other every night for several months.
It's been several years since I saw anybody this regularly. I used to see a boy, but he died.
I didn't see her last night.
I usually do. There was someone else there, though. My gut tells me it was the boy, but my eyes tell me it couldn't have been him. My mind tried to reassure me that ghosts aren't real, but we both know they haunt us.
I hope I see her again tonight. Last night might've been a fluke, but I'm worried about her. Someone hurt her. She only showed up the prior few nights out of habit. I guess they hurt her again and she's decided that it's safer to avoid everybody including me than to be vulnerable around me and risk being hurt again.
I don't want her to leave me. I don't know what I'd do without her. Seeing her smile and seeing the moon reflected in her eyes are all that have kept me going lately. It's a reminder that there's a future for us and it's worth living to reach it.
I don't think I'm going to see her tonight.
